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This is Part Two of a two-part story.
I realize now that the timing of that phone call was something, not just fortuitous, but providential, perhaps the divine intervention that had eluded me previously. I know that sounds pompous and self-indulgent, but after what Luna had said to me last evening about how others in the office perceived me, I knew my personal life was desperately in need of profound change, and if the help I needed to effect that change came from destiny, kismet, or the grace of some nebulous deity didn’t much matter to me. However it arrived, I needed the help.
But it really wasn’t how others saw me that bothered me; it was how I saw myself. I didn’t want to be just another asshole that slept around with anyone he could find. I wanted to make it clear that I loved and appreciated women for much more than their sexuality, and I wanted them to appreciate the real me and love me, both because of my best qualities and despite my worst foibles. Truth be told, what I did in the bedroom was only a piece of me, but now with testosterone coursing through me like a runaway train, that was how people understood me, and, unfortunately, how I had come to understand myself.
I guess I thought that, before that day, I was too young to have been having a mid-life crisis, but, increased testosterone or not, that was exactly what I had been experiencing for the past two years. At some point, something had to give, and I realize now, that phone call was what was going to prompt the inevitable to happen.
“I’m doing well, Jason! Thank you for asking. I’ve missed you.” The sexy accent that spilled from my office phone sounded upbeat and hopeful, but after that initial, short burst of buoyant optimism, Caitlynn fell mute and so after the void lasted a bit longer than I thought comfortable, I spoke up.
“I missed you too, Caitlynn,” I said, trying to break the awkward silence. And then after another shorter pause, “To what do I owe the honor of this call?” It was probably unnecessarily blunt, a fairly tacky thing to say, considering our past together, and the moment the words left my lips, I regretted them.
I didn’t mean to be snide or sarcastic, but I was pretty certain that I had just come off that way. In my defense, I hadn’t heard from her in such a long time – 18 months to be precise – so I assumed that something business-related had prompted the call. Besides, she had phoned me at work, so I didn’t think that this was “personal,” even if I had told Luna as much.
Still, however she received my question, it didn’t seem to faze Caitlynn. “Jason, let me get right to the first of the two things that I need to tell you. I know you’re busy, and to be quite honest, so am I. But, straightaway, I feel like I owe you an apology.” Upon first blush, an apology from Caitlynn seemed odd. We hadn’t seen each other in a long time, so what exactly could she possibly feel the need to apologize for?
“Jason, I feel badly that I just stopped ringing you so suddenly all those months ago, never bothering to explain why I let the bridge between us burn. I figured that you probably felt like you had done something wrong, and I just wanted to let you know that that wasn’t the case at all. The truth is really quite the opposite. I’m sorry I waited all this time to tell you that.”
I was surprised to say the least. It hadn’t really registered with me that Caitlynn was the one who had ended our two months of phone sex. It was true that she almost always initiated those calls, but if I had wanted them to continue, there was nothing stopping me from picking up the phone myself. How could I have blamed her for not contacting me, when I had done nothing to keep the relationship alive myself?
It just seemed to me that we had both somehow mutually tired of getting our rocks off over some satellite connection when it seemed obvious that we could just as easily have been doing so with a real person. That’s what I had done with Mercedez Pequeño, and knowing how stunning Caitlynn was, it made sense to me that, living as she did in the largest city in the country, she would have had little trouble finding a real flesh and blood male to satisfy her sexual needs.
But it went beyond that. I had come to believe that I was wrong about Caitlynn’s feelings for me – that I was on the losing end of a case of unrequited love. So I gave up, chalking the slow slide into breaking up to a shared dissatisfaction with phone sex.
“Caitlynn, I don’t blame you for having burned the bridge. I don’t think you did. I guess I always thought that we both just sort of got bored with having sex over the phone. That was really all we were doing, wasn’t it? Besides, I’m every bit as guilty as you are; I should have reached out to you, too.”
“Maybe,” she paused, “but I think there was something more going on between us than that, and I regret that I just let things fizzle out. I thought you should know that the reason şişli escort I stopped talking to you was that I started up with someone else, and when I did, I really thought that it might turn into something serious. Even though I was with that guy for about a year and a half, ultimately, what I thought would happen, didn’t happen – I just broke up with him two months ago – but I wanted you to know that it wasn’t anything that you did or did not do that caused me to stop ringing you.”
Well, there it was! At least, I thought what she’d just said was significant. Maybe I was wrong to jump to conclusions, but wasn’t it possible that this phone call was prompted by Caitlynn’s breakup? Didn’t it make sense that she might have been calling me because of the disappointment of things not working out with this other guy? And having been away from this guy for what, two months, maybe she was interested in reigniting something with me? Then, in the blink of an eye, I second-guessed myself again and decided that was all absurd.
“Well, thank you, Caitlynn, that’s good to know. I’m sorry that relationship didn’t work out for you. You deserve to be happy.” I didn’t really know what else to say at that point. It wasn’t that Caitlynn’s call had revealed any particularly earth-shattering news – at least not yet – so rehashing her motivations from 18 months ago didn’t seem all that important to me.
Nonetheless, she was an incredibly beautiful woman, and I was pretty sure that I had been falling for her all those months ago, so just hearing that voice was a treat, and visualizing in my mind’s eye her stunning physical form was a wonderful way to exercise my imagination. But then the delight in those two sensory stimuli was quickly overshadowed by what Caitlynn had to say next.
“Cheers, Jason. That’s so lovely of you to wish that for me. You’re too sweet! Anyway, the other thing that I wanted to tell you is that I’m going to be coming out to California next week, and I was hoping to be able to see you. Will you be around next Wednesday or Thursday?”
Maybe I was right after all, I thought. Her wanting to see me was a good sign, and god knows, I was curious to see Caitlynn, too. I wondered how much she had changed, but whether she had or had not was immaterial. It’s pretty hard to mess with perfection, and Caitlynn was pretty close to perfect.
“Yeah, of course, I’ll be around, and I would love to see you, too, Caitlynn! It’s been a long time. I’m sure we can work something out. Where are you going to be staying? Do you want me to come to see you or will you be here in Santa Cruz? If you are going to be here in town and want to stay with me, I have plenty of room at my house, if that’s helpful. What are you thinking?”
“Thank you for the lovely offer, Jason. Maybe I’ll leave that decision up to you, but let me give you the details of my stay. The reason for my trip is work-related; I have to be in our company’s San Jose office for a couple of days, so that’s what – about 30 miles from you? The company is paying for a hotel room for my stay – at the Westin – so I have a nice place in San Jose if you want to come up to see me or if you prefer, I can come down there.”
“My plane arrives late Wednesday morning. I need to go into the office as soon as I arrive, and I’ll be there until 5:00 p.m. or so. After that, I’m free until the next morning when I need to be in the office again by about 9:00 a.m. Then, I’ll need to stay again until 5:00 or 6:00 on Thursday. I have a flight back to New York leaving early on Friday morning. We might be able to schedule some time together either Wednesday or Thursday night or both.”
I was disappointed to hear that her motivation in coming west appeared to have nothing to do with me, and it seemed to me that all my hopeful assumptions had been dashed. Nonetheless, I was happy that I would get a chance to see her. I thought about it, and it seemed like she would have a more difficult time coming to see me here than I would have going to see her in San Jose.
Besides, I thought it made more sense for me to head up to her hotel; that, I surmised, might be a safer bet. If I was out of town, neither Nicky, Carolina, or Luna could surprise us at my house, and I might successfully avoid a potentially ugly scene. Besides, I knew that area of downtown San Jose where she was staying, and that gave me an idea.
“You know what, Caitlynn? Maybe coming up there would be a good idea. I can leave work a little early and meet you at your hotel on Wednesday. I’d love to take you out to dinner. I know of a nice seafood and steak restaurant only a couple of minutes walking time from the Westin, if that sounds good.”
“That sounds lovely. Okay, I need to run, but I’ll meet you in the lobby of the Westin next week Wednesday at around 5:00 p.m. I can’t wait! I’m looking forward to seeing you, Jason; it’s been too long!”
We said our goodbyes. After taksim escort I hung up the phone, I walked out of my office and down the hallway to the employee lounge. There, I found Luna, huddled over a cup of hot coffee. “Luna, I’m sorry. I’m done with that, if you want to come back into the office.”
She gave me another knowing glance, like she had a pretty good idea what had just happened, but since even I was not sure what had happened, I don’t know what she thought she knew. Then, she said in a skeptical tone, “Are you sure about that?”
On the other hand, I sensed that I knew exactly what she meant by that question. Still, I ignored it. Though I suspected she was right, it didn’t deserve a response. Even if she had correctly assumed that I might be reuniting with Caitlynn, I wasn’t going there.
She came back to work, and despite it being a Friday, the rest of the day was pretty boring and uneventful, until right at closing time, when Luna shut down her computer and turned to me, “Jason, what are you doing after work? Do you have any plans this weekend?”
I thought about what was on my agenda for the weekend. I had a date to go hiking with Nicky on Saturday, and I had agreed to take Carolina to the boardwalk on Sunday afternoon, but the truth of matter was that I didn’t know what I was doing that night. I guess I had assumed that I would just walk down to one of the pubs near my home to have dinner and a few drinks, and then see where the evening led me.
“I don’t really know. I guess I was just going to go get something to eat. Maybe have a few drinks somewhere.”
“Would you mind if I tagged along? I don’t really want to be a bother, but I don’t want to go home tonight either, at least not until later. My parents have been giving me a hard time lately. They’re really conservative. When I came home from your place last night, they had all sorts of questions about you, and… then they wondered why my makeup was a mess, and, well, I couldn’t really tell them that it was because you came on my face!”
She whispered the last four words, but despite that, I thought to myself – there are too many people that know far too much about my sex life, and things are only going to get worse. Then, I realized that I actually knew very little about Luna. For instance, I had no idea that she still lived with her parents. But she looked so hot sitting there with that hopeful, puppy dog expression on her face, and picturing it covered in my cum – as she had reminded me it was last night – made any chance of declining her request impossible.
“Sure, why not! I’ll enjoy the company.” So we walked out of the office together, careful not to let on too much about our newly-minted relationship to the dozen or so people we saw on the way out. When we got outside, I asked Luna where her car was parked, and when she told me that she didn’t have one – that she had walked to work – I invited her to ride with me.
As we drove toward my house, I thought it might be a good time to clear the air. I tiptoed my way toward the issue at hand, “Luna, I really enjoyed last night. So thank you for that!” She smiled back at me. But when I paused, she knew something else was coming. “But I wanted to make sure that we’re both on the same page. I know that someone in the company has been filling your head with stuff about me and my relationships with women – I know I mentioned this last night – but I’m kind of uncomfortable with that, so I am hoping that we can both be discreet about things between you and me.”
“Don’t worry, Jason, I’m not going to tell anyone how many times you made me cum last night or all about the monster load you shot on my face and tits! Besides, I know you still have arrangements with both Nicky and Carolina! And then there was the woman who called you this morning!” She gave me a wry smile. Okay, I thought to myself, now I know I’m in trouble.
“See that’s exactly what I’m talking about! I guess I deserve it, considering that I’ve been dating far too many women lately, but I’ve never told a single person in this company about my relationship with any other person who works here, and yet, somehow, everybody seems to know who I have and have not fucked, and how I’ve fucked them! I don’t kiss and tell; why does everybody else have to? So,” I said turning my head away from the road momentarily to look at her, “I’m guessing that you’re not all that happy with those ‘arrangements,’ am I right?”
She shook her head side-to-side. “Look, Jason, I know you’re a player, and I’m okay with that. I didn’t exactly walk into last night with my eyes shut. But right now, I just want to enjoy myself, and as far as I’m concerned, at this point in my life, good guys who are looking to fall in love are pretty rare commodities! These tend to get in the way of love,” she said, glancing downward at her tits.
Without pausing, she continued, “So, I’m just interested in having fatih escort fun, and good sex is a big part of that, even if my parents don’t like it. So if you want to fuck, so do I. If you don’t, that’s okay with me too, though that would truly be a tragic waste!” She batted her eyes at me and a huge grin washed over her face.
“Besides – sex or no sex, and by the way, the sex was pretty spectacular – I like you! You’re fun to be around, and you’re a nice guy. There’s only one thing that I ask of you,” she paused and stared me down with the most serious look I had ever seen on her face, “just don’t tell me that you’re falling in love with someone else, ‘cause if you are, then you’re bullshitting her and me, and if you’re bullshitting both of us, you’re a fucking asshole.”
When she said that, my thoughts immediately returned to Caitlynn and her upcoming visit. I’m not falling in love, am I, I asked myself? And I don’t think that Caitlynn is falling in love with me, either. She’s not here to see me – it’s only her work that brought her out here, and if I end up sleeping with Caitlynn, my seeing other women is not going to bother anyone – not Luna, not Nicky, not Carolina or even Caitlynn herself. They all know what I’m doing, and they’re all okay with it. It was rationalization, but it worked.
“No, I’m not falling in love with anyone,” I said, “but, you know what, I don’t think that would be such a bad thing. That’s all I ever really wanted, and someday I hope that I find it again. I hope you do too, Luna.”
“Well, that’s nice of you to say, Jason, but if that’s what you want, I’m thinking that you might consider not fucking so many women at the same time! That, like these big tits, also tends to get in the way of love.” She giggled when she said it.
I laughed. “Touché, you’re right about that one, Luna!” I said, smiling at her, just as I made the turn into my driveway. We got out of the car and went into my house, and then I excused myself to go change my clothes. Ten minutes later, we walked down to a nearby bar and restaurant.
The place we were headed to was not one of Santa Cruz’s hot spots – being located in a largely residential area on the edge of town – so the possibility that we would run into someone we knew there – though, at the time, that potentiality had never even crossed my mind – was close to non-existent.
But when we walked in the front door, who should be sitting at a table right next to it with two huge, nearly empty margarita glasses in front of them, but Nicky and Carolina? Together! Neither one was smiling! I wondered later, with the advantage of hindsight, whether they had come to this place on purpose to confront me. I had brought both of them to this same pub previously, so they knew it and knew that I came here fairly often. But either way, I understood intuitively that the chickens had come home to roost!
They saw us immediately. How could they not? And how could we have avoided them? It would have been perceived, and rightly so, as incredibly rude to do so. In retrospect, I should probably have opted for rudeness.
“Hello, Jason,” Carolina said in a tone I had never before heard from her, but one that sounded remarkably similar to Luna’s skeptical tenor earlier that morning.
“Hi, Carolina! Hi, Nicky! What brings you to my little neck of the woods?”
“We yust have drenks,” Nicky answered, “and jou?”
“Oh, we were going to have drinks, too, and something to eat as well. By the way, you two know Luna, don’t you?”
“Jess, jess,” Nicky answered. “Hola, Luna,” she said flatly, seemingly expressing the same snooty rivalry I had heard her use when speaking about Carolina only a few weeks before. Carolina just nodded without smiling and stared jealously at Luna’s huge tits.
“Hola,” Luna responded tentatively.
“Do you mind if we join you?” I asked.
“Please do,” said Carolina; and then, she surprised me by elucidating a newfound cynicism that shocked me to my core. Carolina, remember, was a very reticent person, so I was totally flabbergasted when she made the following snidely contemptuous comment, “Well, Jason, your dance card seems to have filled up considerably this evening!”
“Yeah, I guess it has!” I said nervously.
“It is ironic that you showed up at the very moment that Nicky and I were discussing your many relationships with women, including the two of us. Now, you’ve confirmed another addition to the notches on your bedpost.”
“Wait!” I said, half in anger, “I thought you were both okay with all of this. I’ve been honest with you both, haven’t I?”
“Well, honesty is sometimes difficult to define. But Nicky and I have decided to be honest with ourselves. We’ve been comparing notes, and, well, to be ‘honest,'” she said, using those dastardly air quotation marks, “you’re just a little too sleazy for both of us… and that goes for Nicky’s two sisters as well!” I looked over at her, and Luna’s face screamed shock.
My shoulders slumped, and I resigned myself to my fate, “I’m sorry you feel that way, but maybe that’s for the best.” I had already begun to reconcile the need for monogamy, and now it seemed that, whether I liked it or not, monogamy might well be thrust upon me.
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