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Christopher Botham, a Roman-nose Englishman now residing in Manhattan, was in an early marriage crisis and perhaps as to be expected, regarded it as fundamentally not of his making.
A mere sixty days after the wedding, his wife Anna, a secondary school teacher, had announced adamantly that having sex twice a day was no longer an option.
Chris’s mouth froze hanging open.
He couldn’t believe it; is wife was being unreasonable.
“Well say something,” she said sounding irritated and sucking a lock of her blonde hair.
“Ouch,” the 33-year managed.
Anna, who was two years younger with a broad nose and full lips, sighed and began leaving the room but turned when he called stop.
“What’s bought on this unexpected edict?”
Anna stepped closer and said it hadn’t been unexpected for her. She’d been thinking about it for four days since they arrived home drunkenly after a very wet midday lunch and practically collapsed after a long bout of wall-to-wall sex.
“I was involved and claim it was merely vigorous sex,” corrected the university lecturer on Victorian English (British) literature.
Anna dismissed that saying she could scarcely walk because her ass had been sore and she’d felt humiliated when her fellow co-owner of the Pharmacy asked was she suffering piles. She’d spent most of the morning yawning and gulping water because she was so dehydrated.
“I wasn’t responsible for your dehydration. You were drunk and sweating like a pig and I’ve never said you can’t drink water when we are having sex.”
She ignored that of course, having no winning answer.
Instead she gritted, “Chris I look after my body meticulously and the amount of heavy sex we are having can only age me before my time. From now on we engage in sex only once a week.
“What?” Chris croaked in shock and screamed “Christ!”
Anna lost her nerve in the face of such emotional intensity. She quavered that she’d meant twice a week and never on consecutive days.
Rage rose within her husband, believing she was intent on turning him into a five-days-a week eunuch. How could any woman be so heartless?
“Get out of here while I continue marketing student papers. Don’t talk to me again until you have rationalized your thinking and we then commence a proper discussion about this.”
She flounced out, slamming the door and he thought she’d now be packing a bag and would be off to her family home. There she’d consult her mother and suck up for sympathy and work out what to do next.
Ten minutes later she yelled “You ape” and the front door slammed.
If he were acting like an ape, then what was she, an 18-year old stroppy teen attempting to partly return being a virgin?
Chris, a sturdy thick-shouldered and black-haired character with an academic streak apparently inherited from his maternal grandmother, was from a wealthy farming family in Surrey, England. He’d been invited to apply for the position in the department of education and communication he now held at the same university in Manhattan a year after he’d completed his Ed.D. in curriculum/instruction.
He’d resettled easily enough back into American culture and six months after returning he went to a party. After midnight when hair and pants were ‘let down’ so to speak the usual outbreak of mass group sex became the climax of the evening and one of the several blondes he’d dicked said to him she liked his cultured English accent.
Obviously she was drunk or drugged or both but had moved her butt athletically.
Two nights later the blonde with the agile butt called him and identified herself as Anna Lancaster who lived with her family in Upper West Side. He parents were partners in a small Manhattan law firm.
Anna didn’t come right out with it and say he was the best fuck she’d ever had. Instead she said sounding impressed that she’d really enjoyed the short but explosive time she’d spent with him on the floor and perhaps they should date.
They dated and were very couth to one another.
That was a change to some of the relationships Chris had been having with American females who appeared grossly self-centred but he blamed that on his inability to make good choices for girlfriends because stupidly his focus had been on their sexual potential.
Anna’s parents and younger sister and brother made a fuss of him and the older sister Sloane and her husband Leroy liked him enough to invite Anna and Chris to double date.
Eventually when Anna and Chris out strolling on warm evenings Anna began looking in the windows of jewellery shops until Chris, confident at getting another 3-year contract at the university, asked tentatively should they become engaged.
Immediately he was dragged into the jewellery shop where Anna had been window shopping.
And now, after initially some very happy times, Christopher was coming to the conclusion his marriage to Anna had been a huge mistake.
The next morning Anna’s mom Sylvia Lancaster called and invited Chris for dinner that night and came right Bostancı Escort out and said she was attempting to manage a positive reconciliation.
That comment gave Chris a leg in and he asked, “How many times a week when in your mid-thirties would you and Edward have had sex Sylvia?”
Chris held his nerve and waited.
“That was almost an outrageous question,” she replied, stalling.
“Nevertheless will you answer?”
“Possibly five, sometime more I’d think.”
She rallied and said she could guess what he was thinking.
“I’m happy to hear that and that places you in the best position to be the pivotal negotiator.”
“Oh no, I’m not being dragged into this.”
“Then what was your motivating for calling me; were you worried I might go hungry?”
“You are talking like a negotiating attorney young man and I’m quite surprised at that.”
“Well that’s friendly of you. Now please answer this: has Anna complained my penis is too big for her?”
Sylvia said not at all and had felt it her duty to put that question to Anna and neither had her daughter complained that Chris acted unduly roughly with her.
“Thanks Sylvia as that clears the air on those points.
He lied, “Unfortunately I can’t come to dinner tonight as I have a faculty function to attend.”
“What about tomorrow evening?”
“That will be fine and my hope is that Anna will return home with me. Bye Sylvia.”
“Goodbye and thank you for making this call so much easier that I’d expected.”
Chris smiled, pocketing his phone, hoping that the delay in going to dinner would give Sylvia more time to steer Anna into accepting that there were two people at the centre of this issue and not just herself.
Unfortunately heart-warming resolution did not eventuate.
Next evening when they had been placed in a room together, Anna presented two conditions for returning home. They were that Chris accepted they engage in sex no more than twice a week and that they would continue to sleep in the same bed together.
Chris said he could not accept the first condition but was willing to have it left open for further negation and yes they could continue sleeping together and living normally together in all other ways.
“Mom!” Anna called loudly and Sylvia came in smiling.
Anna reported the partial impasse accurately and asked her mother what she should do.
“Dear just accept the condition as modified by Chris. You are still in square one but at least that’s an improvement than being locked in a total impasse. Either one or both of you may soften in attitude in the meanwhile on that matter that remains open for discussion.”
“Okay mom and thanks for keeping your cool Chris. Let’s have dinner and we’ll go home early. Um mom what has dad said about this issue, I mean really.”
“I briefed him and he is concerned but we agreed he should stay out of it. There is no useful reason to widen involvement. Let’s keep it between the three of us and I’ll continue to be an impartial sounding board.”
Chris and Anna occupied the apartment as before with no fighting but their relationship had taken a hit.
They didn’t speak to each other as cheerfully as before Anna’s unilaterally announced restriction of sexual frequency; their intimate moments were no-existent and the former lovers moved about like roommates who kept their distance as if one was infected with something nasty.
Sex if any was certainly not with each other.
Twice Anna had mentioned somewhat nervously would Chris like to have sex but the somewhat choked reply was no thanks.
After six days of something approaching Cold War status, Anna complained to her mother that she and Chris were not having sex.
Speaking as a mother as well as an attorney Sylvia said, “Surely you are not surprised by that outcome?”
Her daughter’s response was to cut the call.
Anna called her older sister Sloane (35) who listened without comment.
Breaking the silence, Anna said impatiently, “Well?”
“They say you reap what you sow Anna. You should have simply expressed your concern and then said something gracious like what do you think we can do about it?”
“Okay mum said something similar. I guess I’ll have to continue to believe I’ve done nothing wrong. Let’s talk about something else.”
An hour later Chris received a phone text from Sloane, an architect, saying she’d be at the Olympic Café having coffee at 4:00 and invited him to drop in.
Ah thought Chris. Sloane had always been a little edgy around him, probably disliking foreigners or had a thing about his nose. He regarded blonde Sloane as a bit under-weight and somewhat lacking in charm and she did little to conceal her freckles as she was frugal on make-up.
* * *
Sloane stood as Chris approached and he approved of that.
He assumed it was unlikely Sloane had arranged the drop-in meeting to organize an assignation with him. Anna had probably sought her sister’s help as a younger persuader than her Kadıköy Escort conservative mother.
Surprisingly Sloane showed instant emotion and pulled him to him and kissed him on the cheeks and said almost with a touch of passion.
“I’m sorry, my stupid sister told me she fucked up with you but alas she remains unrepentant and believes she did nothing wrong.”
She pushed up against him and kissed Chris on the lips.
Christ thought if this was the modern approach to intervention he was all for it.
She pulled away and really did appear concerned.
“Careful I feel randy going six days without sex,” he joked.
Sloane looked at him thoughtfully and that was a surprise.
Chris hit his forehead with his palm twice and said, “I apologize, that was a bad taste joke.”
“It’s okay and you are probably attempting to put on a brave face. Until now you two have been so good together and this semi-collapse in your relationship will have shocked you both.”
“Well said,” Chris sighed as they sat.
Sloane said to the waitress just a coffee refill for her would be fine and Chris ordered coffee and a salmon and cream cheese bagel.
When the waitress left, Sloane said, “I don’t understand why Anna acted so aggressively about this: had you two been fighting?”
“Had Anna being complaining you were taking too long about it?”
“No there had been no complaints or even a hint she was about to drop a bombshell. I have not idea why she hit me with this ultimatum. I had believed we were superbly sexually compatible.”
“Hmmm. And she hasn’t mention any physical concern associated with engaging in sex?”
“No absolutely nothing and I’m sure she would have said if something was amiss, Um may I ask you something personal and you can of course choose not to answer.”
“I know you’ve been married five years but can you remember how many times a week you were having sex two months after your wedding?”
“Oooh thanks for asking; I’ve never been asked to disclose my score sheet,” she smiled sweetly.
“My guess it would have every other night plus occasionally Saturday mornings as well and always Sunday morning when we’d often bang away, drift off to sleep and bang away again.”
“Omigod that’s really becoming personal.”
“No you have a reason for asking. Usually we’d do it no more than three times between Monday and Saturday plus a couple of times on most Sunday mornings and that’s acknowledged as our tradition for Sundays. Then I’m nobbled occasionally on a Sunday night if we’ve been out for dinner. Now what is your scoresheet?”
“Almost every night and a few mornings as well and it was becoming a tradition for us to do it after lunch on Saturday and Sunday if we were at home.”
“Wow you two were horny. But of course there would be up to seven days off when Anna was menstruating.”
“What it didn’t bother you…?”
Another thought hit her.
“Omigod you mean you two switched to anal sex. My darling won’t even brush a quick finger stroke over my anus.”
Chris almost choked as he swallowed a sudden inflow of saliva.
“Yes anal was always the backup providing Anna was in the mood. I’ve never pushed it, accepting discomfort and mood swings can occur to any female during that time of month.”
Sloane looked around and satisfied that no one was close enough to overhear confessed, “I’ve never had the opportunity to experience anal.”
Chris smiled and said anal sex wasn’t enjoyed by everyone and it probably ended disastrously for some couples.
“Hmmm,” Sloane said looking at her watch and said she must go and collect little Michael from her mother the sitter.
“I just wanted to meet to express my sympathy for the idiotic way you were treated and to urge you to stick in there as possibly some relaxation in my sister’s decree might occur.”
“Thanks and it’s much appreciated.”
“We should do this again.”
“Yeah okay Sloane; you are good company and your openness is appreciated. I definitely feel a little more upbeat than when I came in.”
“And I must say my usual coffee chats with friends rarely have been so full-on as this one has been. Good luck with the problems at home darling.”
Chris thought darling? She’d never used that endearment with him before.
He followed her out and was sure he was glancing at additional hip sway that was not her usual style.
Out on the sidewalk they kissed lightly and turning to walk away Sloane said, “I bet you are a good kisser.”
Chris wondered what that was about. Perhaps she was thinking about asking him to introduce her to anal sex.
What Sloane? No way.
* * *
That evening Anna visited her sister.
“How did it go?” Anna asked before Sloane had opened her mouth.
“I’d say pleasant, in fact open and quite friendly. About the only interesting thing he said was he didn’t think you were worried about a suspected medical problem.”
“And Göztepe Escort that’s correct. As I told mum I become worried that such frequency of sex, at times really robust sex, that he’ll be straining me physically and ageing me before my time.”
“We’ll that’s reasonable as we were taught by gran that moderation in most things is best for us. But Anna is it reasonable limiting him to visiting the well no more than twice a week?”
“I admit to not thinking that through fully. What would you have suggested?”
Sloane said craftily, “That would depend on what the normal frequency had been.”
“Um I have to say we did it almost every night, some mornings and at the weekend whenever I let him at it.”
“Christ he’s fucking amazing. What do you feed him on?”
Anna let some tears roll and said Sloane was not at all helpful.
That got Sloane’s back up a bit and he said what else could she do but talk although with Anna’s permission she could take Chris to bed to remind him the big part pussy played in his life.
“No of course you can’t do anything but talk. I cannot allow you to nobble him; it would be double adultery and intolerable.”
Anna said of course it wouldn’t happen and she’d unwisely turned a thought into an utterance.
Her sister hesitated and said, “Do you really think turning yourself into some kind of wet nurse could switch his interest in sex back on?”
“I have no idea. I’ve not thought about it apart from making that stupid throw-away line.”
“He must be missing sex.”
Sloane said he must be missing pussy and added, “At present he’s probably forming a calloused palm beating his dick so often. Omigod I’m sorry…”
“No it’s okay,” Anna laughed, sniffing. “You’ve always been somewhat cynical and you know it. I’m feeling so much better talking to you like this. Keep on, he’s down the hallway drinking and chatting with Leroy. You know I’m kinda warming to your proposal.”
“Proposal? I said it that throw-away line was well, inappropriate and unhelpful.”
She was told to keep talking as it hadn’t been a throw-away remark.
“Well I guess physical intervention could contain therapeutic value, in fact I do believe that could work. Um what’s he like to fuck…?”
* * *
Two weeks later Sloane called Chris, the first time they’d been in contact since meeting for coffee.
“Hi Chris, it’s Sloane.”
“Oh hi, it’s great to hear your voice again. I’m sorry but Anna is not here. She’s away all day at a career continuing education seminar needed to tick a box in her updated teaching qualifications record and will stay on for drinks afterwards.”
“Yes I know and that’s really not why I’m calling. May I come over? Leroy has taken Mike over to his parents Place in Murray Hill and will have early dinner with them before returning.”
“Yes sure but I’ll be home alone Sloane.”
“That’s what I thought. You’ll remember our discussion over coffee a couple of weeks ago?”
“Yes and I have to report there has been no change in our domestic situation.”
“Yes I know and you must be hanging out for pussy?”
Chris paused and swallowed and felt his finger-tips tingle.
“You mean um what I mean is…” he tailed off, his voice sounding swamped.
“Well say if you do or don’t want to fuck me.”
“I do,” Chris said with the fervency of a nervous bridegroom taking the marriage vows.
“Oooh, that’s positive. I’ll be with you in about fifteen minutes.”
He switched his phone off, put it on the kitchen bench and hollered “Yeah!” and punched the air, thrilled that he was about to get his end in and was confident he’d finish up smiling hugely.
Then a series of things ran through his mind.
This would be adultery.
How many times would she let him bang her, once or until he was left next to legless?
What was her pussy like and would there be enough tit to really get a big mouthful?
Would she want a couple of stiff drinks first to tranquilize her conscience?
Oh they couldn’t do it on the marital bed; what would make him more of a scumbag doing the dirty on his wife he couldn’t do it on their bed.
They should use one of the lounge sofas – the leather covered one because it was easiest to clean away any evidence of leakage.
Oh he’d need to place a towel out of sight under the sofa for her.
Who was her?
Sloane you fool.
Would she allow him to ride her bare-back?
Oh she’d previously mentioned her interest in anal sex.
Chris then realized it was time to get his ass into gear.
He headed to the bathroom to get condoms, anal lube and two towels. He couldn’t believe he was so jittery when as everyone knew the culture at universities was pussy and cock galore on offer to professors and their academic underlings who marked papers and conducted written and oral tests.
Should he greet her at the door wearing casuals, or just a gown or arrive nude?
“Stop,” he yelled in an effort to settle down. It wasn’t as if he was new to adultery.
He placed towels under the sofa and the lubricant and condoms under a pillow at the end of the sofa and returned to the bathroom and showered and dressed in fresh casuals.
Ah that was much better; his self-control was back fully functioning.
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