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ANDYGYNE

By Norma Jane

1

A while ago there was a flurry of news and comment in the UK media about a Government proposal that schools must inform parents if a child ask to be regarded, and referred to, as being in a new gender category. I’m not weighing in on the issue, but pausing my ‘Sistering’ sequence to record an episode from some years ago.

2

My English-as-a-foreign language tutor-team had set up an intensive vacation course. We’d booked a week in a small hotel in Belgium, to be in easy reach of the UK and the continent, minimising costs by undertaking the cleaning, food-preparation and clearing-up. We just needed a chef, and the resident one obliged.

We knew most of the fifteen students, but there was an ‘Andrea,’ with a doctorate. There was also one I knew to be a transwoman, because we’d enjoyed sex together some years earlier. I wondered if she would like to repeat the congress.

When we gathered on the Sunday evening for our first session, Andrea contrasted with the rest in various ways. She was the smallest, just over five feet, and the palest, her smooth complexion appropriate for her honey-blonde hair, cut in pageboy style. Her widely separated eyes were large and blue. Her lips plump. She was beautiful, so drawing attention. She also seemed shy, even mysterious, ready to converse, but giving no personal information.

What struck me, too, was that whenever our eyes met, she didn’t look away, as the shy do, but gazed intently, signalling a need for help and understanding. I was moved to comply, pretty sure it wasn’t a pedagogic problem, but something intimate. I wondered whether the course theme might be relevant. We were working on how to approach plateaux in language-learning, points at which learners fail to progress, through lack of comprehension, or satisfaction with the current stage. Was Andrea marooned on a shelf, needing a boost up?

She approached me as we peeled potatoes together the first evening, asking to come to my room later, giving no reason, but anxious about my response. Of course, I agreed. I had a shower and dressed in clean underwear and a loose caftan, and was relieved when she knocked. I welcomed her, put the Don’t Disturb sign up, and offered a hot drink and biscuits.

We were soon sitting opposite each other, she on the one chair and me on the bed, and she was explaining she’d heard about the course from an email sent on by a friend. Then she went on, ‘I was attracted by the subject, but I also wanted to meet you, Norma – may I call you that? I’ve thought of ways of explaining why, but it’s best to be straightforward. You have a reputation, you know – a good one, I assure you – for being willing and able to help people on these courses with other matters than professional ones. Special ones.’ She stopped and looked into my eyes with the same pleading look as before.

I said I hoped to be able to be helpful in any ways people wanted.

She said, ‘I’m stuck, Norma. I need to move forward, but I’m afraid of trying to do so.’ She stopped again and looked expectant.

‘You’re on a plateau, but aren’t sure if you can climb further?’

‘That’s right. But I’m scared of finding I don’t have the – equipment for it, and I’m scared of what might happen if it turned out I did have it.’

‘You don’t mean crampons and pitons.’

‘No, I mean physical – abilities. Well, I’ll stop being metaphorical. I’m thirty years old and I’ve never had sex. I’m the most virginal virgin you can imagine. I’ve never had anyone inside me, never been inside anyone, never had an orgasm.’ She stopped again.

‘Never been inside anyone, ‘ prompted me to ask, ‘Have you wanted someone inside you, to be inside someone, to have an orgasm?’

‘Yes, I have, all so much. But that’s the problem, you see, I’m not sure I could.’

‘You’re worried you couldn’t, and scared of finding that was true?’

‘Yes.’

‘Has anyone ever tried to make love to you?’

‘There’s been a few men who wanted me, until they saw me naked, then were either disgusted, or wanted to do the only thing they thought I was fit for.’

‘They wanted to go up your bottom?’

‘Yes, and I might have let them, if they’d shown any concern for my wishes. Two women wanted me, but they didn’t want to go on when they found I wasn’t like them. They were nice about it, but I didn’t have the courage to approach any other woman and explain and ask her to go with me anyway.’

‘So, no-one has ever made love to you., caressed you, stroked you?’

‘Only Elaine, my mother. We hold and stroke each other affectionately. We sometimes share a bed.’

‘But you don’t make love. Would you like to?’

‘You know the questions to ask all right, Norma. And, yes, I would, but she’d be shocked, and besides, I might not be able to – ‘

Give her pleasure?’

‘Yes, I suppose so.’

‘You could just use your lips, hands, fingers.’

She was silent, so I said, ‘But you want to approach her with confidence that you can make love in any istanbul rus escort ways she’d like.’

‘You understand, Norma.’

I considered, then said, ‘You want to make love, so I can help you find out whether you can have an orgasm, inside me or in other ways?’

Tears ran down her smooth, pale cheeks, and I got up and drew her to the bed. so that we could lie down together, and she could weep as much as she needed. I murmured, ‘I can’t promise success until I know more. But we can try.’ And she nodded against my right breast.

‘We have seven nights, then,’ I said, ‘As in legends and fairy tales. Seven stages.’               When she was calm I drew her to her feet, holding hands, and said, ‘If at any time you feel uncomfortable, or if there’s something you’d like me to do, just say, and I’ll stop, or do it. Agreed?’

She nodded, and I continued, ‘I’m going to undress you and massage and caress you, and probably lick you and kiss you, and we’ll see what happens.’

She was wearing a dark blue skirt and V-necked sweater over a pale blue shirt, and quite soon she wasn’t wearing these, and I was admiring her tight, neat, bra-less breasts, widely separated, with small, pointed nipples. ‘Lovely,’ I murmured, ‘So firm and tidy. Do you enjoy them?’

‘I was pleased with them after the came, and they feel nice when I stroke them.’

‘But you want somone else to do that. Elaine, I suspect, and you’d like to stroke hers.’

‘Hers are a bit bigger, but she doesn’t wear a bra, either.’

‘Let’s have these nice little flowery knickers off, then,’ I said, but she put her hands on her hips to prevent me, and said, ‘You can see my bottom, if you like, but I need to explain before you view the front elevation.’

She turned round and I drew the knickers slowly down over her pale cheeks. They were beautiful, curving out from below the small of her back, inward into her crack, and under into a deep crease.

‘It’s always been too big for me,’ she said, ‘Girly.’

‘It’s lovely, like the rest of you. Is it like Elaine’s?’

‘From the back we look like sisters – that’s what she says, anyway.’

‘Lie on your front on the bed, then,’ I ordered, ‘And you can explain while I massage your back.’ I turned back the covers, revealing the towel I’d laid on the sheet, and she lay down. ‘Lift your hips,’ I said, ‘And I’ll take down the knicks, but I won’t look underneath. Good. A little olbas oil and I start at the feet and you start to talk.’

‘Starting at the beginning, then, like fairy tale. The midwife pronounced me male, so I was Andrew, I don’t know why. Elaine would never tell me anything about my father, except that he was a one-week affaire. She was happy about that, having agreed beforehand. And she was happy to be a mother, aged nineteen. Working as a cleaner, which meant she could take me with her, hold me to the breast with one hand and wield the vacuum with the other. Well, that’s how she puts it. We were living in one room at the top of a broken-down, between-the-wars block, and surviving, after I was weaned, mostly on things on toast and raw vegetables. Sardines, cheese, beans, egg. Occasionally a treat of fish-and-chips. We were healthy and happy, and then I started school aged five, and everything changed. Because, after the first week, I came home and said I didn’t like boys, because they were rough, and I was going to be a girl.’

‘Bit of a facer for Elaine,’ I said, smoothing and kneading the backs of her thighs.

‘Actually no. She went to the school, and said I was going to be Andrea from now on. The headmistress was a sensible woman, agreeing they’d noticed my pretensions to boyhood were minimal, and no-one would be bothered if I turned up in a skirt or dress. After all, I could always be a boy again if I wanted. But I never did. It wasn’t that I actually considered I was female, but I just didn’t want to be male and was nearer to being a girl.’               This was a case in which it wasn’t teachers telling parents about a gender issue. It was the reverse, and I wonder if the Government had considered this possibility.

Of course,’ she went on, ‘It got tricky later in secondary school, when I was supposed to be doing puberty. But Elaine managed that by getting me bras in increasing sizes and stuffing them with socks – the only time I wore bras. And there was the matter of showers after games. She managed that by claiming I had a skin condition, not readily visible which meant I had to be bathed at home, in a specially prepared solution.’

‘Obviously,’ I said, ‘Elaine was happy and supportive about this.’

‘She’s always been wonderful, about everything.’

‘Did anything happen at puberty?’

‘Nothing much, and they never descended, and neither of us wanted any medical intervention.’

‘Is that why you think you may not be able to have sex?’

‘Yes, and the fact that I never grew much body-hair anywhere, and my voice hardly changed. Elaine says I just went from soprano to alto.’

‘You’re thinking izmir escort you might be a eunuch?’

‘Well, I’ll go on telling you, because there’s reason not to think that.’

I was now squeezing and stroking that lovely, tight, neat bottom, kneading it and running my fingers lightly over its contours.

‘That feels so nice,’ she said, ‘It makes me go all shivery.’

‘There are people who can come just by having their bottoms caressed. I had a sweet man years ago whose bottom I used to stroke until he was ready, when I just took his cock in my hand and he ejaculated. I love to see ejaculations. They sometimes make me come.’

‘Oh, Norma, I so much hope you’re going to make me ejaculate. There was no problem at university. I used the bra, and no-one queried my gender. I discouraged any dalliance, because I had a plan, which meant waiting some time. I got a good languages degree and went to teach in a girls’ boarding-school in the country. I don’t hold with private education, but I needed to maximise my earnings, and I could live in, all found. Limited wardrobe, fresh air and walking. The staff was almost all women

‘Did you fancy any of them?’ I asked.

‘One or two were curious about me but I had to be celibate and avoid all complications. And I had wild fantasies about them. There was a strapping PE mistress always dressed in a short skirt, showing her big bum in black knickers. I had a dream about her grabbing me and ripping off my clothes.’

I stopped working her shoulder-blades, and asked, ‘What did she do then?’

‘She got me lying naked on one of her vaulting horses. Then she took my breasts in her hands and juggled them about. I had breasts in the dream. Big ones. Then she said, “Good tits. Nice cock. I’m going to fuck it.” She took off the knickers and felt into her hairy pussy, and said, ‘Oh, yes, good and juicy.” Then she got on the horse, with a foot either side of me and, crouched down and guided my cock into her vagina. Of course, I was good and hard. Then she jigged up and down, grunting and groaning, until she said, ‘It’s coming. Bit slow. Come on, cunt!” and she ground her bottom on my thighs, and said, ‘That’s better. Here she comes! Yes! Yes!” And she grabbed my tits again, hard.’

‘Did you come, too, in the dream?’ I asked.

‘No. I didn’t know how. My imagination broke down. I knew the rest of it from internet porn sites. So I was able to have an erection and so on.’

‘Could you imagine what it felt like in a vagina?’

‘I thought it must feel like when I soaped my penis.’

‘Go on with the history,’ I said, working down her right arm.

‘As soon as I started school, Elaine went to college to get some A Levels, and then she went to the nearest university, so she could live at home. She got a degree in business management, and landed a job in a local firm. After three years teaching I had nearly all the money I needed, and Elaine was earning well, and helped. So I could go for the hormone course and the surgery.’ She stopped, as if nervous about approaching the crucial moment.

‘Was Elaine having any relationships?’ I asked while she gathered herself to go on.

‘Yes. She had a few boy-friends. One at least wanted to marry her, but she said she really only wanted them for the sex, and not to have them cluttering up the place otherwise. We were living by now in a pleasant apartment on the edge of town, and she liked things just so, and no interference. She had a steamy lesbian affaire, too, but the poor woman got too demanding, wanting them to live together.’

‘Were you jealous about these liaisons?’

‘Not really. I wanted her to have any sexual satisfaction she could get. I also liked that she was so open about it, and so apparently lacking any prudery or taboos. Because my plan certainly included her, though that was the one thing I felt I couldn’t tell her.’

‘Lift your hips again,’ I said, ‘And I’ll pull up the panties and you can turn over. I think you need to look at me while you tell me the next part of the story.’

She was soon on her back, and I was starting again at her feet, applying some reflexology, and waiting for her to continue.

‘The breasts came up like mushrooms. I think they look like those, too, with tiny pink fairies sitting on them. Then I saw the surgeon, who was interested in the situation. He wasn’t going to perform the conversion operation, creating a vagina. He was going to adapt that empty sac and include my little organ in a special way. I didn’t want the vagina. I wanted to be a transwoman, because my fantasies were all about sex with women or other transwomen.’

‘And,’ I suggested, ‘You wanted to have sex with Elaine, to go inside her.’

‘That’s right. Though I wasn’t sure how I was going to tell her.’

I was gently squeezing and stroking her sweet breasts by now, and brushing my thumbs across those little mushroom nipples. And she was becoming excited. I said, ‘Well, all is well in this department. Do you do this for yourself?’

‘Yes, but it’s much izmir otele gelen escort nicer, stronger sort-of, when you do it.’

I bent to apply lips and tongue and she moaned, ‘Is it like this for all women?’

‘Mostly. Many women can come with their breasts. I have occasionally.’

‘What would happen next, then, when a woman was aroused like this?’

‘Usually her lover would go for her bottom, her vulva, her clitoris.’

‘Do you want to do that sort of thing with me?’

‘Yes, but you need to tell me a little more, don’t you? Before I take off your knickers.’

‘Yes. Well, my surgeon said the scans showed my pipes and tubes were all present, if not in the usual configuration, and he could see no reason why they wouldn’t work. Then we discussed what he could do, working with how I was. The idea was to make me as much like a girl as possible.’

‘So you’re warning me you’re not like other transwomen?’

‘Yes, I suppose I am. I don’t want you to be surprised or put off.’

‘I’ve never been much surprised by what’s inside knickers,’ I said, ‘And never been put off. So, shall we risk it?’

She nodded, and without haste I pulled down the knickers, and she raised her hips to let me take them all the way off. Now I could contemplate how she was, and I took my time to do so, to the point she became anxious, and said, ‘You don’t like it. Not a boy, not a girl not transgirl.’

‘Beautiful,’ I said. ‘Remarkable. Unusual, but – perfect.’

So, I must try to describe the result of the surgeon’s expertise. He’d gathered up the empty sac, drawn it up onto the lower stomach, and, probably using some silicone within the outer labia, formed it into the simulacrum of a vulva, with cleft between inner labia. Of course, the split didn’t lead down into a vestibule, but the upper end lapped round what resembled a large clitoris, its glans presented on a half-inch of shaft. The glans was somewhat over a half-inch in diameter, and, being actually a small penis, had a urethral opening. The whole assembly was so neat and tidy it looked entirely natural. She was,, apparently, tantamount to a new species of transwoman.

‘Does she erect?’ I asked.

‘If you undress, that will do it.’

The caftan, bra and knickers were soon off, and as she reached to hold my breasts that little clit-cock stirred. She said, ‘If you lie down and let me look – ‘

I lay beside her and she moved my legs apart and lifted my knees. She said, ‘I’ve seen so many pussies on porn sites, but I’ve never seen a real one. Elaine is often naked, but I’ve never dared to ask her to open herself to me like this. You can see what this does to my little tool,’ and it was, indeed, now extended four inches or so, and rigid.’

‘That’s a good start,’ I said, ‘She’s desirous, eager to enter, isn’t she?’

‘Oh yes, but will she be able to respond right?’

‘To complete the journey, from arousal to ejaculate? Without doubt, yes,’ I said.

‘How do you know?’

‘Your whole body is telling me,’ I assured her. ‘Every cell is panting for it. Can’t you feel the tension, the pressure, the accumulation at her roots, in your bottom?’

‘Yes, but I’ve felt like that so often, and nothing more happened.’

‘Did you use your hand, squeezing, caressing, easing her prepuce back and forth?’

‘Yes, I’ve done that a million times.’

‘And did you feel her harden, the orgasm gathering?’

‘Yes, but I never dared go on, in case nothing happened, there was nothing in there.’

‘You might have a half-come, without the full feeling, without any shemen?’

‘Oh, you understand perfectly,’ she said.

‘Well, I’m going to make you come now, if you give yourself into my hands, my mouth and my cunt. Because I’m going to take your virginity. Are you ready?’

‘Tell me what to do, Norma. Please, tell me.’

‘Oh, yes. I will. First put a finger in my vagina. Or two fingers. Can you feel how it is in there? Warm and slippery, ready to welcome you. Sniff you fingers now taste them. Can you feel your desire increasing, your tool hardening? You’re longing to enter me aren’t you?’

I turned on my side and took her delicious little erection into my mouth. She gasped and shook, her hips jerking involuntarily as I gently sucked and licked, until she cried out, ‘Norma, Norma, something’s happening.’

I withdrew my lips, and said, ‘Look at the tip of your prick. Do you see?’

‘Oh, that’s the stuff that comes first, before the orgasm, isn’t it?’

We studied the bead of clear fluid, and I said,’ You’re going to come, in my mouth of my cunt or my hand. Which?’

‘I want to see it. Is it really going to happen?’

I took that cute little cock between my fingers, and said, ‘Don’t hold back. Just let it happen.’ I gently squeezed and worked the foreskin up and over the glans and back.’ Can you feel it starting?’

‘Yes! Yes! There is a sort of tingling in my bum and its spreading all over. Oh, it’s going to happen! It’s coming!’

Her hips jerked and bucked, and with a little shriek of surprised ecstasy she spurted a jet of liquid like buttermilk, and, as her cocklet pulsed between my fingers a second spurt shot forth, and after a pause, another three diminishing in volume. She went limp and wept in joy and relief. A little while later she said,’ I saw it I saw it, such a lot of it. Was that normal?’

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